Listen to Episode 147 Here / Apple / Spotify

Self-mothering is an essential act of self-care that everyone deserves — on Mother’s Day and every day. Learn six ways to practice self-mothering, including listening to your intuition, tending to your needs, and creating supportive boundaries. Tune in and give yourself the gift of self-love this Mother's Day.

What is Self-Mothering?

Self-mothering is the practice of nurturing yourself with the love and support that every individual deserves. Unlike reparenting, it’s less about what happened in the past and more about the care you give yourself now in the present.

6 Ways to Practice Self-Mothering

Trust your Inner wisdom. Tune in to your intuition and honor the guidance it offers, both in mundane choices and big decisions.
Prioritize your needs. Make sure you’re drinking enough water, eating when you’re hungry, and resting when you’re tired.
Carve out a sacred space. Create a personal sanctuary, no matter how small, where you can find solace and stability amidst life's ebbs and flows.
Set healthy boundaries. Advocate for yourself like a protective mama bear. Establish boundaries that shield you from negative influences and offer unwavering support.
Cultivate meaningful connections. Give yourself permission and time to cultivate relationships that fill your heart with love, joy, growth, and encouragement.
Practice Restorative Rituals. Cultivate small, everyday practices that evoke feelings of being cared for, cherished, and uplifted.

Want more inspiration? Take a moment to check out: Self-Mothering – A Supportive Way to Navigate Motherhood When You Don’t Talk with Your Mother.

Why Self-Mothering on Mother's Day?

Mother's Day can be a beautiful celebration, but it can also be a complicated day.

It's essential to prioritize your well-being and extend compassion to yourself on this day. Self-mothering is a practice of nurturing your own inner being, acknowledging your worth, and offering yourself the care and love you deserve.

5 Ideas for Finding Comfort on Mother's Day

Take a moment just for you. It's important to pause and focus on yourself. Even if it's just a minute, take some deep breaths and clear your mind.
Make a plan to do something that feels nourishing. Choose an activity that feels good and elevates your well-being.
Give yourself a pep talk. Tell yourself how amazing you're doing, to keep taking one step at a time, and remember to celebrate the good in your life.
Go outside. Spending time in nature reduces stress levels. Walking, hiking, swimming, or simply sitting outside will help you connect to the grounding energy of Mother Nature.
Come back to the present moment and look for magic. Focusing on the beauty and wonder in life will give you a fresh perspective on any challenges you're facing.

Practicing self-mothering on Mother's Day and every day is a powerful act of self-care and self-love. It involves trusting your intuition, prioritizing your needs, creating sacred spaces, setting healthy boundaries, cultivating connections, and engaging in restorative rituals.

On this special day, it's important to prioritize your own well-being, acknowledge your feelings, and offer yourself the love and care you deserve. By taking moments for yourself, engaging in nourishing activities, and finding magic in the present moment, you can find comfort and solace in self-mothering.

The Best Gift You Could Give? A 5-Star Review!

If you want to help me celebrate Mother’s Day, the best you could give is to leave a 5-star review for Celebrate Cultivate on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. Your kind words mean the world to me!

Listen to the Celebrate Cultivate Podcast

Welcome to Celebrate Cultivate a podcast about celebrating the good in life and cultivating more of what you want. I'm your host Kaileen Elise. My intention is to offer deep breaths and ideas for appreciating the magic in everyday life. I'm here to help you. Listen to your intuition, trust your inner wisdom, and act with inspiration. Let's get to it. Hello, hello. Welcome back to the Celebrate Cultivate podcast. I'm your host Kaileen Elise Sues. Today, we are going to talk about practicing self mothering on Mother's Day and every day, because the truth is self mothering is an essential act of self care. Whether you are currently a mother or not doesn't matter. Everyone deserves this motherly love and support that maybe you get from someone else. And maybe you don't. Either way, you can give it to yourself. In this episode, we're gonna talk about different ways to practice self mothering, and why it is so important and how you can get started with it today. Let's get into it by talking about what self mothering is. In essence, it is about giving yourself the care and love that you need. In the present moment, it is less about what happened in the past and connecting with your inner child and doing those things that might be more considered re parenting. It is mothering yourself in in the moment in the here and then now both things have their role and their purpose. And maybe you feel really attracted to and interested in re parenting and find self mothering to be a supportive thing alongside it. Or maybe re parenting does not mesh with you, for whatever reason. That is me. I've never really resonated even just with the term re parenting even though some of the concepts do totally make sense. And I have spent time connecting with my inner child. And really kind of lately one of the things that I've done is helped my inner child see all that we are all that I am now so that she can like take a beat and take a breath and know that like okay, every everything turns out totally fine. You know, that's one of the reasons why I also really like spending time connecting with my future self. Because when I connect with the Kaileen, who's in her 60s and 70s, and I spend time in that energy, I can see how what I'm doing right now, while it is important and meaningful and all of that it's a small slice of the whole picture. So that's a little tangent, but it does help give some some context, I first became aware of the importance of self mothering after having my first child so of course, you do not need to have children to understand the importance of self mothering. Honestly, I think it was a matter of timing for me, that when I had children is when I slowed down enough to see like, oh, oh, there are some things that I need personally, that no one else can give me. There is a kind of love a kind of nurturing and a kind of support and understanding that no one person outside of me is giving me right now. And I even had a very loud and emotional argument with my father or when I was very pregnant with my first child. And in that conversation. It wasn't really a conversation. But you know, in the heated argument, he said something like you that he wasn't a very good mother. Of course, of course he's not, you know, he's my dad. And it was an insightful moment for me because it really helped me see that. Yes, you know, we, as adults do look to parents to provide some things and fill some holes and to to nurture us in certain ways. And for many, many, many reasons. Not all adults, parents are able to provide that maybe they are no longer with us here on Earth. Maybe we do not have relationships with them. Or maybe the relationship is just different. than the way we expected or the way that we needed, none of that is, is really, inherently wrong. And I would venture to say nine times out of 10, it is not on purpose, you know, everybody's doing the best they can. And if you are able to look objectively at your life situation and the relationships in your life, and get really honest with yourself, the less pressure and expectation we put on others, and the more we pour back into ourselves, the better all relationships are, even the ones that are strained or unconventional or different than how we might wish or imagine they are. And I'm speaking you know, a little bit around about, but that's really at the essence of what self mothering is. It's giving yourself what you need and what you desire.
And loosening your grip on expectations and hopes on how someone else like a mother or a parent figure is going to give you. So if you're on board with this, and you're like, okay, yes, I totally understand that. And I want to practice self mothering. The next thing is figuring out how to practice self mothering Today, and every day moving forward. So the first thing I really like to do when it comes to self mothering is listening to intuition. So your inner voice of wisdom that voice inside of you, that you can tune into when ever you want or need, that voice is ready to guide you in the tiny everyday details. And now big life decisions, the things that you might call on a mom or a friend to talk out or think through. Rather than doing that you can listen to your intuition, you can develop a conversation and a language with your inner voice, where that is your first go to resource for guidance for love, support and nourishing. And you can do things like my free guide the 21 days to intuition where every single day you get a different prompt for three weeks to develop that connection to your inner voice. Or you can do a one on one session with me. If you're listening to this, and it's the Thursday before Mother's Day and your partner or friend or even yourself is like okay, well what can I give you for Mother's Day, maybe it's the gift of intuition, I have a few sessions available. In a little, I would say maze pretty much booked out. But I have some sessions available in June. And I could certainly make myself available in July to to connect with your intuition and then help you develop that pathway. And release any emotions that are in the way so that you can practice self mothering and connection to your inner voice. Number two, is to tend to your needs. So we think about if you are a parent, if you are a mother, one of your main roles as a parent, when children are quite small, is to really make sure that they have what they need on a basic level. And when it comes to self mothering. That means making sure you're drinking enough water that you're eating when your stomach feels hungry and that you're providing yourself with the nourishing foods that feel good and true for you. Again, something that you can ask your inner voice about ask your intuition practice, that intuitive eating, you can make sure that you're resting when you are tired that you are giving yourself the downtime that you need. You know when you feel a little stir crazy that you're taking yourself out for a walk these simple, simple basic needs that we have as humans so often it's easy as adults to kind of brush those to the side and prioritize other things in the act of self mothering, there is space for you to say well, okay, well yeah, you have these emails to answer but you also really need to go outside and just take a few deep breaths. So we're gonna go do that right now. And that's the kind of loving nurturing act that you can give to yourself and then get back to those emails. Number three is making space for yourself. This is physical space. This is emotional space. This is space on your calendar. So however it feels like you want to interpret that it is making space for you. Similarly to when a person is pregnant and they're expecting a child how You might make space for that baby, however big or small, you know, some people go all out and do the whole nursery and then some people, it's literally a bassinet next to the bed. Whatever it is, it's still designating and providing a space with intention for this person, the same thing is true for you. So look at your literal everyday existence and see where there are spaces that are just for you. I always talk about my closet being one of the places that is for me. And one of the things that I do in my practice of self mothering is really tending to my closet. So of course, it gets messy. Of course, there are times where there's things on the floor and the dust collects, and my plants need to get watered. And actually, there's one plant right now that's totally dead and needs to get replaced. So there are times when my closet gets in a little disarray. And then there are times where I set aside the time and space to cultivate this room and to to nourish and nurture myself through the act of making this room feel good. And, and beneficial for me. And even just spending time in here. curating and tending to my closet makes me feel good. I know that one of our listeners and one of my longtime clients, Taryn went through a whole journey, reclaiming a closet in her home, and making it into a beautiful space where she can go sit and meditate and record her podcast and do things that feel good and nourishing for her. And it was a space that was just like a craft closet, the hat she said, I don't know if she still does, but she had like a whole stories highlights that you could walk through and see the transformation. And you know, it's a small space. And it was a space that they had been using for a different intention. But she took that space and made it her own and really was a beautiful act of self mothering, to get it to where it is now that you can go and enjoy it and close the door, there is something you may or may not have the the time and the space and the availability to have a room with a door. But even like a cabinet or a drawer somewhere that you can make all yours and create an altar or, you know, have something special, that's just for you. That's just your space is super, super meaningful, and a wonderful practice. So number four is creating supportive boundaries. So just like you would protect a child from somebody's energy that maybe you didn't want the kid to be around, you can protect yourself from people's energy when you don't want to be around them. And it's not to say that you have to create super firm boundaries, and be really strict and hardcore with yourself. I mean, some people might need that. But I think that boundary sometimes I know I used to interpret boundaries as like, this really firm thing, which is kind of funny that that would be my impression of it because I can, generally speaking, have really firm boundaries, like I don't need to lean into that area of my life. One of my really good friends, you know, she's always commenting on how I already have like very clear, good boundaries. If anything, I could loosen my grip on that sometimes. So, you know, for you what is needed do you need to loosen do you need to tighten whatever it is, it's going to be really, really good for you just like a mother, you know, just in the in the most loving, supportive, kind, nurturing way, look at your life, zoom out for a little bit and take a good bird's eye view. Where are the places the spaces, the people where boundaries would be supportive and nourishing, and just think of them as like bumpers in a bowling alley, you don't have to have them forever. It isn't something that is going to you know, it's just going to help you get that ball down the alley. It isn't something that you're going to use forever because as you get better, stronger, more focused more clear, whatever it is, we can take those bumpers away and you can still get the ball right down the middle. Again, they're not meant to be something that's really strict or hardcore, but just supportive, nourishing, something that's going to help you feel more at ease and Okay, in your relationships in your spaces in your time throughout your every day.
Number five is developing meaningful connections. So give yourself permission and time to cultivate the relationships that bring you love, joy, growth, encouragement, this might be friendships or mentorships. This might be read tune out to somebody who used to be really important in your life, who you haven't had a connection with for a while, you can even just look at it from more of an energetic and universal perspective. And let your inner being let your universe know that you are open to deepening meaningful connections and that you want that brought into your awareness. So you don't even really have to lift a finger on this one, you could be super active again, if that feels good and right for you. But if you're like, I don't have time for that right now, you know, I'm already spread really thin. Don't look at it as having to max out your calendar with a bunch of commitments and coffee dates and things. Instead, just open yourself up to having deeper, more meaningful connections with the people already in your life. And they become open to other connections coming your way. Number six is practice restorative rituals. So of course, part of self mothering is self care. And it can be small, everyday practices that give you those feelings of being cared for adored, supported, loved. This is the energy that you want to give back to yourself. It can be really small, simple things, it can be big acts, you know, joining something like this season sessions, my year long membership, where every single season you have a one on one session with me and then all of these other supportive rituals to guide you through the seasons of your life, you could just achieve this number six by joining the season sessions and flowing through that for a full year. Or you could say I'm gonna really one thing I've done recently in the area of self care is I did some research on self tanning because I was like kind of curious this time of year, maybe I want to have a little bit of a bronze glow about me. And so I was looking into the the places here in Austin where I could go do that. And then I was reading up on like what you do to prepare to have a successful self tanning experience because it has been a long time since I've gotten a spray tan. And one of the things is exfoliating and so there's these ways you know, it's important to exfoliate your skin before you go do the self tan. Well, I didn't book a self tan yet. I don't know if I'm gonna go do that, or a spray tan. But I did get an exfoliation mitt that like sloughs off the dead skin cells. I got new lotion that's supposed to be like firming and good for your skin. I don't know, it smells really good. So I'm doing these, you know, things that kind of prepare me for the possibility of getting a spray tan. But either way, it's going to make my skin feel nicer, look nicer. And it's really enjoyable to do a new act of self care a new little ritual like a new shower routine, how often do you switch up your shower routine. Um, for me, it's almost never you know, I did buy a new shower gel that looks really pretty in my shower. So I just kind of did like a little refresh a little Remix in this tiny piece of my day. And it felt really, really good. So look at the ways that you can practice restorative rituals in your everyday life, it might be tweaking something that you're already doing, adding something in taking something out. But really again, just doing things that give you that feeling of love and being cared for. And the reason why lotion always comes up for me is because my kids have pretty dry skin. I've got three little children. They do not lotion themselves yet. And so I am constantly putting lotion on my kids. And then when my skin feels dry, I'm like, Oh my gosh, I have to lotion, another pair of legs. I already did six legs. And so kind of like reclaiming that and turning it around and saying okay, no, I can like I deserve this too. And no one else is going to lotion, my legs but me that is what self mothering is in the most basic level. So why are we talking about self mothering the week of Mother's Day, of course. It's because Mother's Day is just such an event. I believe in so many people's lives once a year. There's a lot of emotions and feelings and just, it can be really sticky and tricky for so many people for so many different reasons. And I know how it feels to stand in the card aisle and look through all of the cards and not be able to find one that feels honest, that feels correct or feels good to put in the mail. I've had a lot of different versions of Mother's Day cards that I have sent and picked out for different women in my life. I haven't had a traditional or conventional relationship with my mother for over a decade now. And she's not really in my life right now. And, you know, it's it just becomes very tricky. When you have those situations, whether you've lost a mother, or someone else in your life that you've lost that felt like a mother, you have a different relationship that went you hope for whether you've been trying to conceive or become a mother, or are going through some sort of difficulty in that area, there's just a lot. And so my number one invitation for you this week of Mother's Day is to give yourself whatever you need and to be honest with yourself about what that is, and take care of yourself. If everyone practiced self love, and self care, on Mother's Day, and every day, we would have a much more loving, fulfilled, connected society. And so there is nothing wrong with you wanting a few minutes to yourself, there's nothing wrong with you wanting to cry or feel sad or mourn whatever it is that you're feeling sad about today, or that you're feeling good about. And it might be that you're feeling really great. And you're a little bummed because you don't have anybody to share how great you're feeling with you know, there's, there's just so many different things you have yourself. So if you're feeling really great, and you want to like share that with somebody, share it with yourself, really celebrate it, maybe it is like tuning into your inner child and your 80 year old self and being like, hey, look how good we are right now. And if that's not the case, again, you can do whatever you need on Mother's Day for yourself. That is like my number one tip for this episode. And for today's just give yourself permission to do whatever it is that you need. So a few practical ways that you can find comfort, and practice self mothering on Mother's Day or any day is just to take a moment for yourself. Just take a moment, it doesn't have to be this big, huge thing, just take a moment for you put your phone down, or maybe pick your phone up, whatever it is you want to do. But just make sure that you're being intentional and giving yourself a moment. Sometimes we just need a moment. So give that to yourself. You can make a plan to do something that feels nourishing on Mother's Day. Or maybe you're fully committed on Mother's Day with other activities. So maybe it's just another day soon that you are making a plan to do something for yourself that feels nourishing. I made myself a nail appointment. It's not on Mother's Day, but I am getting a manicure and a pedicure, I booked it, nobody gave me a gift certificate. I don't usually go get my nails done, I used to. But in the last several years, basically since the pandemic, I mostly do my own nails and my own toes. But again, I've been on this exfoliation train and I was like you know what, it'd be really nice to have like an actual other person, scrub my feet and paint my toes. So that's what I did for myself. In this make a plan to do something for yourself that that's what I'm doing. You can also give yourself a pep talk or write yourself a little love note. So if this episode isn't enough of a pep talk for you, then you know, press pause and look at yourself in the mirror or pull out your journal and write yourself a little love letter. Give yourself some of those words of affirmation. The Adoration that you sometimes want from somebody else, give it to yourself. Another thing you can do is just spend some time in nature, Mother Nature, Mother Nature, it's that's why we call it Mother Nature is because this is the most nourishing thing that so many of us need as human animals is to be outside, you can go for a walk, you can go for a hike, you can go for a swim, you can just sit outside, if it's cold, and it's rainy bundle up and just go beyond the porch or the you know the patio or open a window. Just expose yourself to nature in a little tiny way that can really be so supportive. And then the last thing is just to come into the present moment. So even if you are fully committed and you have a big family day ahead, and it's very busy and you got to do hairstyles and get kids dressed and get to brunch or get to church and you know, see the family and do all these things. It can be a very busy demanding day for moms. Find ways to find presents, even amongst all of that chaos, and look for the magic that exists in your life right
now. I do want to give a few other ideas for parents, especially parents of young children to practice self mothering while you're taking care of those itty bitty people One is to just take breaks. So again, take a moment for yourself, that's going to look different depending on how old your kids are, how many kids you have. But it could be like listening to a podcast while you're breastfeeding, or zoning out and watching Netflix for a little bit, while your little baby is hanging out next to you, or your toddler is watching a show on the iPad, like just give yourself permission to take a break every once in a while, ask for help in any way that you can, and receive help when it's offered. Give yourself permission to do less. Okay, so maybe don't do all of the things right now and know that you're going to have time to do things. Again, find ways to feel good and enjoy the present moment. So sometimes, especially when you have little children, it can just be a lot. And it's also like that time that everybody says is so precious, and goes by so fast and blah, blah, blah, blah. And it's like, well, how can I enjoy it when they're screaming, and there's diapers to change, and there's all this stuff happening. So whatever you can do to come into the present moment, usually it means not trying to do so much all at once. But just be with that child when you're changing their diaper, and not think about the groceries or all the other things that you have to do. Just be in that moment, do that one thing, and find a way to connect to that moment and to that child. Be in the present moment and try to enjoy it. Even when it's hard and tricky. I mean, you can find a way to enjoy a tantrum I have. It's like so life altering, when in the midst of a tantrum, you can kind of see how ridiculous it is. Or understand from the child's perspective, like oh, yeah, I can see how you would, how you would feel this way. This does kind of suck, you know, just, and then it gives you a different perspective, and it helps you feel a little bit better. And when you're not enjoying it, when it's impossible to enjoy the present moment, no, it's temporary, whatever it is, it's temporary. And that feeling of it being forever is one of the most miserable and painful feelings. So can you give yourself that self mothering clue and cue that this isn't going to last forever, this is going to pass and you can let it pass and patience. Or you can be super pressured about it and try to push past it. Whatever you do, it's gonna pass. Okay, so that can be really, really helpful even when things are a little. Not ideal. All right, that's it for today's episode. I hope that this has provided you with some ideas for practicing self mothering on Mother's Day and any other day. I hope it's also helped you understand how important self mothering can be in your life and how it can really help you gain some of that nourishing love and care that perhaps you're not getting from somewhere else in your life that you can give back to yourself. I'd love to hear from you after you listen to this episode. How it resonates. Please share it with your friends in your community. Please let me know the ways that you are practicing self mothering. I would love to connect with you and hear your stories. Thank you so much for listening. I'm wishing you all such a beautiful, calm, cozy, celebratory Mother's Day. Thank you so much for listening. Is it Kaileen elise.com For links and notes from today's episode. Connect with me on Instagram. I'm at Kaileen Elise. Please share this pod with anyone who could use a little extra magic in their everyday life. Stay tuned for the next episode. I'll talk to you then.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai